two years ago today, i was ready to give birth to my newest favourite human.
you would think the no eating deli meat for 10 months (honestly, SO HARD when all you want is a cold cut sub), 18 hours of labour (maybe more, i lost track), and endless (often unsolicited - thanks barb at the grocery store!) advice, would have prepared me for the adventure that is parenthood but like only the best things in life, it has been all uphill to get to this day.
theo's first year was filed with uncertainty & exhaustion, doubt and loss. it was a year unlike any other, where i struggled to find gratitude. i wrote a longer blog post about the first year here. i won't ever forget theo's first year, but gratefully, theo's second year different. it was full of pivoting, changing expectations, goals, togetherness, & making something from nothing. finally, i was used to covid's existence in the world, and we made the best of times where we could gather with others.
we got (proudly!) vaccinated.
we took advantage of times that things were not locked down, and spent so much time with family and friends. we enjoyed conservation visits, and birthday parties, and family holiday dinners, and hugs. the best part has been watching theo interact with his cousins, play and run, learn conflict resolution (anyone else feel like playdates are just refereeing jobs?), and make up new games together. he learned how to scooter from his cousins, and how to pretend play, too.
we explored new beaches and new trails, fueling our 2022 goal of 2022 hours outside. mike and i even had a weekend away, without theo, and it was the best to have a reset with our best friends, exploring some beautiful areas in ontario.
we learned grief. wanna know something that's really unsettling?... if you read my blog post about buddha & hermes, then you know we re-homed them, and hermes died. i wrote this post april 3 and i wrote how i hadn't known grief worse than that before, how i had been so sad about the cats. but then it's like life, or God, took that one sentence, and introduced a new curveball, one i couldn't even swing at. less than 10 days later, i was in a hospital room, gowned and gloved and masked and face shielded, and held my family as we said goodbye to my dad in his last moments on earth. and while my dad died, and we are still devastated, there have been things to be grateful for.
we moved in with my mom, and because we'd lived together, the idea to buy a property together came up, and we bought the farm. that may not have happened otherwise.
i learned boundaries and upheld them when people in my life were no longer serving me. boundaries are hard, y'all. but i feel free of some of the burdens i came into this year in, some of the people i was holding on to within a sense of obligation, and learned that some friendships aren't forever, and that's ok.
navigating motherhood and running my business, has been an ongoing challenge. but then my sweet baby started montessori school, and went from half days to full days just recently. and now that navigating feels less hard. and i feel so grateful to have balance.
for theo's second birthday, we had two tiny birthday parties, and he got to eat the cake (unfortunately threw up all over himself in the middle of the night afterwards, though, so that was fun!), and open his presents, and man, the look of his face when his family sang him happy birthday, and it was for real, and it was just for him... that moment summarizes theo's second year.
with theo, i learned ways to communicate the things i need, the balance i craved, and the privacy i deserved. i was calm and patient, even during theo's big emotions. i learned more about montessori, and we practiced more life skills than shelf work. i apologized when i got frustrated with him or with situations. theo and i and mike made eachother laugh, and we cuddled in bed, and we had lots of tickling and chasing and running.
theo, my sweet baby, you are brave and resourceful. you are kind and persistent, radiant + creative. you are worthy of good things and i am so so so proud to be your mama. happy birthday my little one! i hope 2 is magical for all of us, but most especially, for you.